Friends first?


When Monica and Chandler fell in love it just worked. They were friends first with no other intentions, but it just happened didn’t it. So how do you know if you can fall in love with your best friend? Would it not jeopardise years of friendship if you risked admitting unrequited love?

I have a friend (yes a friend, not me!) who is totally in love with a male friend, he has no idea but she won’t tell him her feelings for risk of failing the friendship. But what if he feels exactly the same way about her and neither of them are admitting how they feel to the other?

New York social psychologist, Dr. Grace Cornish avers that romances that begin as friendships are more likely to succeed:

“As friends first, you like each other first. You develop a respect for each other. You’re looking out for each other’s best interests. I urge people–marry your best friend.”

I have another friend who had feelings for her best friend, she would give him advice on dates and how to be with women, and she ended up falling for him, so much so that she told him. Her feelings were reciprocated and they are now living happily ever after in South London, well in separate shared house
s but they have a pretty good thing going. They are still best friends but with the added bonus of sex and other coupley things.

I’ve never fallen for a friend. I’ve always thought you become attracted to someone initially (fancy them) then fall for their personality, so a friendship organically develops, as well as the attraction side of things. I’ve never found it possible to find an existing close friend of the opposite sex attractive in that way, but a lot of people do. Then again, if an old friend who I haven’t seen in years popped up, you get to know them again I guess..

It’s an interesting concept. If you have someone who already knows everything about you and is actually in love with you for the good, bad and ugly (no make-up mornings) then you don’t have to pretend to be ‘cool girl’ (Gone Girl reference) at the beginning until you’ve ‘made’ them fall in love with ‘cool girl’ you, because they already know you’re cool. No false pretences, they already know you’re a psycho (all girls are really). You’ve got it made, surely?

Still, if you really fancy your best friend and they don’t know it yet, I would just do it, tell them. If it doesn’t work then your friendship should still stand the test if it was strong enough before. Yeah it might be a bit awks for the first couple of weeks but at least you’ve got the summer to get over the rejection!