Tinder and Blind

At a wedding recently, someone I hadn’t seen in a while who follows my writing and social media etc, told me he was surprised I’d gotten into a relationship because he thought I was too head strong. When I asked him to elaborate, he stated ‘I just thought you’re so independent, that you can’t be doing with men and the whole relationship thing. I think everyone was surprised when you changed your relationship status on Facebook, because you were so happy and successful single.’

I was taken aback slightly. I mean, the response was overwhelming, for me personally, after I performed the cringeworthy act of changing my Facebook relationship status, but I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. Honestly the reason I did it was to deter the amount of random (creepy) direct messages I get on the site, I didn’t realise it would be exposed on my timeline for my entire network unless it was ‘public’, which is wasn’t. I got messages of congratulations, questions asking if this was the end of the blog, old friends and family members asking for photos of him, protective friends asking if he’s worthy (LOL) and others genuinely happy for me.

So, how has my life changed? Well firstly, not drastically, but it has.

I no longer put myself first. I mean, I obviously still look after myself, but when plans arise I will consider him first before agreeing to something on the spot (more often than not, anyway). If I’m in a shop I will look out for things he likes, before I look for myself. Nothing major, but now if I’m in M&S on the way home, I’ll look for things he likes and grab them or ask him if he needs anything. It’s quite nice not just thinking of myself/ a good excuse to buy treats that I can share and feel less guilty about scoffing on my own.

It’s hard work, sometimes. Now there are two jobs to stress over, two busy lives who are constantly ‘on’, two sets of schedules, two sets of homes, two opinions on everything. But it’s also rewarding.

Two of my ex long term boyfriends were in the military, meaning I only really got the ‘good’ bits, because I was only on girlfriend duty at weekends. Yes I dealt with the not so easy bits, but with two days a week to spend with someone, you rarely make time to argue. I’ve always been used to having my own space, my independence, my friends when I wanted them. I still have all that, but now I have more, and I’ve also gained another 24/7 friend. So it’s not a bad thing in the slightest.

It’s more collaborative. It’s nice to have someone to vent to, to counsel, to share ideas with and although I do get really defensive at times, I know that’s because I’m not used to receiving constructive criticism from anyone except my boss.

I have stopped boozing so much. Really, I know, I can’t believe it either. Instead of midweek date nights at happy hours around Dubai trying to source someone to spend more than one date with, I’m happy with my weekly gym routine and mid week Netflix and chill sesh with him. I can’t remember the last time I went on a Ladies Night (for those of you not in Dubai, this means free drinks on a week night for ladies), I can’t tell you how nice it is to not have a raging hangover accompanied by a McMuffin on my desk at work on a Wednesday morning.

I’m happier and more fulfilled. This would make me vom in my own mouth if I ever thought I’d write this, about a year ago. But it’s true. I never felt lonely before, I loved my life, and now I love it more, and I laugh harder.

I’m absolutely terrified. Terrified I have now let my guard down and allowed myself the chance to become exposed to heartbreak, to tough times, to a potential future of complications and obstacles. But I’ve had to have a word with myself and take my own advice. If you don’t try something, then you don’t know what will happen. A lot of us don’t know what we want, until it’s happening to us before we realise it.

I had just returned from a short trip abroad after seeing a guy I thought I could pretty much give up my singledom for, when I was set up on a blind date with a friends colleague.

Truth is, the date with abroad guy didn’t go to plan. I had ended up spending the weekend in a hotel room alone with a bottle of prosecco for the most part.

Abroad guy (he’s actually British -hashtag expat life) had suggested I took a break there after I had complained about not having a holiday in many months, so I booked myself a nice hotel for the weekend. I hopped on a plane and took a cab from the airport to his apartment, he then took me to my hotel and waited while I checked in. We went for dinner and he ordered a sparkling water while I ordered a cocktail. He informed me that he’d be driving home after dinner, and would return in the morning for breakfast. Erm, sorry what?! I had a hotel room with a double bed sitting there, not to mention a bottle of duty free prosecco chilling in the fridge for a potential cheeky midnight rendevouz. Seemed I had got the wrong end of the stick, quite literally, as I stared at him blank faced and nodded like that was totally cool.

It was not cool. I am the one who plays it cool, well, that’s the hope. It would’ve been less confusing if we hadn’t already had a bit of a ‘romantic’ history.

I returned to my room and sent a selfie of me and my chilled prosecco bottle to my Dubai group chat.. They were all as surprised as me after I told them that I’d be bringing the prosecco back with me after sans action. A couple of friends said it’s because I didn’t make it clear that I was there to see him, and not in fact just stay in a hotel room for a break, as I’d originally positioned it. I’m sorry but I had got on a plane, albeit 45 minutes away, but still, I don’t think I needed to make it clearer. And I wasn’t about to make the first move.

When I had returned from ‘abroad’, I was relaying the weekend to my friends by the pool, when one of the guys suggested he set me up on a blind date with one of his new colleagues. ‘He’s ripped and has the same terrible sense of humour as you’ he said while selling him in. He had no photos of him though, and didn’t have him on any social media so I couldn’t make any sort of predetermined judgement. At this point I thought I’ve really got nothing to lose, I’d just had a dry weekend with someone I definitely thought was going somewhere and had then cut off within 48 hours. So I responded ‘as long as he’s not military or has a wife, then you can give him my number’, to which the reply was ‘well.. he is an ex army officer, no wife that I know of’. I ducked my head under the pool and came up for air wishing my love life wasn’t such a shambles and realising I’ve never actually dated anyone from the Army, so maybe he’ll be different to the Marine/Navy exes that I’ve had. FML why am I attracted to the military.

So I agreed to this blind date, more content for the blog if nothing else, it is called tinder and ‘blind’ after all, I thought.

The next day my friend text me with his number. After arguing that he should’ve given my number first, rather than expecting me to make the first move, I lost, equal rights and all that. So I went and messaged him.

The chat was what I was used to from my military guy friends, and it just seemed comfortable, though I know anyone else would’ve found it odd if they’d read my phone in that first week.

After a week or so of shit bants, we’d set a date for drinks. Date day came around, and I woke up with a hangover from hell. I literally felt as though someone had spent the night beating me over the head with a microphone. I mean that could well be what happened seeing as I was in Lucky Voice karaoke bar the night before, but either way, I was not fit for a date. I cancelled.

My friend gave me his wrath for cancelling, saying it made him look bad, telling me I immediately had to rearrange. Truth was, I couldn’t be bothered with this date, they always involve too much alcohol and bad decisions. I was quite happy single, trundling along in my own little world, but I had to come through for my friend after his efforts setting us up. So I suggested we go on a day date, that way I couldn’t get drunk and make a tit out of myself. I’d do it sober instead.

After apologising for cancelling, he agreed to the day date and gave me two options, trampolining or the arcade. Not wanting him to witness my extra layer of chin envelope my face during our first face to face conversation together, I opted for the arcade.

It was May, a bloody boiling 40degrees in Dubai, May. I got to the mall after making the worst outfit choice of 2017, double denim. Let me tell you, wearing jeans and a denim shirt in Dubai at the best of times is cause for sweating profusely in random places while looking like an ex Bewitched member, but donning this outfit in the heat of a Middle Eastern summer was just plain, fucking stupid. After keeping him waiting for 20 minutes, due to drying my sweat off in the Ladies, I arrived to find him sat on a wall swinging his legs like a kid. But my friend was right, he was ripped. And the first thing I noticed was his build, and I just knew I was going to be in trouble.

As we queued for the tickets, I had to be excused so that I could walk around the corner and literally use my sleeve to wipe the sweat from my forehead. Not only was I hot and bothered from the weather, but now I’d seen someone who, for the first time on a blind date, I was actually attracted to. So you can imagine the sweat situation I was facing. After sorting myself out and being totally honest with him ‘sorry I’m just so hot from the double denim’,  we got on. In fact we go on so well that after the arcade he bought me a cookie from the food court then we proceeded to go to the supermarket to do our weekly shop. No joke.

How this unfolded.. after inhaling my cookie, he asked what my plan was, it was to do my weekly shop.. and so was his. So we walked around the supermarket, trolley’s in tow.

When I told my friend this, he said we’d never live it down.. and we haven’t. We ended our fourth date in the supermarket as well. It seems to have become a running theme.. oh yeah, I said fourth date. It’s now been 8 months since that first date and unbelievably for me, we haven’t gone a single day without contact.

Time has flown and I still believe there is a lot more to learn about each other, we don’t live in a fairytale and nothing is ever plain sailing in relationships. I’ve had to learn to compromise, to put someone else before myself for the first time in however many years, but I’m enjoying it. I prefer to put someone else first. But I’m still the same, believing that I don’t need someone to define me, but having this new addition to my life and to my personality has been refreshing without any pressure. So, watch this space. Tinder may not have worked, but Blind may have nailed it.