Tinder and Blind

I’m going to be 26 soon. With this coming into fruition in a few weeks, I had a little think about what I’ve learnt and how I’ve changed in the last five years. Below are seven key things that I would advise based on my learnings over the last five years:

Live your life, not someone else’s

Yes your life might already consist of sharing a partner’s, living for your children, and standing by their decisions, but that shouldn’t stop you from taking time to do what you want to do. I was a marine’s girlfriend for four years and I planned my life around his, without feeling any sort of resentment. It was only when we broke up that I realised I wasn’t living the life I had dreamed. I am now.

Look after number one

My grandad’s advice. This doesn’t mean be selfish. If you don’t love and look after yourself, then you aren’t equipped to do it well enough for others.

Be positive in everything you do

I have times when I cry for absolutely no reason and feel sorry for myself, then I bring myself back down to earth by thinking about how bloody lucky I am compared to so many others. Remembering there is always someone worse of than yourself goes a long way into feeling gratitude.

Encourage others

No matter what, encourage friends to live their ambitions. If they aren’t happy where they work and you can see it’s bringing them down, help them. The best feeling for me is helping and encouraging others. Once they’ve achieved what they’ve wanted and tell you that you’ve been a part of that process, it’s more rewarding than anything material.

Don’t be upset about change

Filter out the negative influences in your life. An old best friend who does nothing but criticise others? Get rid. You will naturally attract positive influences and new friends without actively seeking it. It just happens. Change can mean losing ten fair-weather friends but gaining a handful of amazing ones who will be your go-to for everything. But don’t forget where you came from. I’m from a small town, living in London. I will never forget where I came from but I always knew where I wanted to go.

Spend it

I don’t mean get in loads of debt, but if you want that dress, jacket, whatever, buy it without feeling guilty. One day (if you don’t already) you’ll not be able to spend your money without thinking about someone else first. Responsibilities pile up quickly, so as long as your bills are paid, there’s no point in having thousands in the bank if you haven’t had any experiences. At least you’ll look back at your twenties knowing you had fun, treated yourself enough, and can then start saving for a new car/house/cot.

Be spontaneous

Don’t be stupid, but a bit of spontaneity breaks a routine. Instead of planning months ahead for a weekend away, bloody go this weekend. My 25^th year has been all about spontaneity and it has, hands down, been the most exciting year of my life so far.

Have no regrets. Live the dream. Look forward to your thirties (Shiiiiiiit). Learn more

A modern day ‘fairy tale’? I disagree. The modern day fairy tale should encompass everything about the traditional, chivalrous Cinderella type fairy tale. But we’re lacking one thing. Conscience.

Guys are rarely chivalrous on a Tinder date, I mean how many people are really expecting to find their future wives on an app? If it happens, then great, the future of Best Men speeches will be riddled with Tinder inspired jokes of how the happy couple met. And you know, there’s nothing wrong with that, if couples are genuinely meeting this way and falling in love. However, the percentile of that happening is low.

Tinder is usually a platform in which we fancy the photos, possibly meet up, get blind drunk on the entire cocktail menu, then inevitably- if you’re part of the majority- get lucky. I have a friend who did a similar thing to this video. She went on a Tinder date, nothing untoward happened, a few weeks later he got back in touch, they met for a drink or six, and she went back to his. She snuck out of his apartment at around 1am once he had started snoring and ordered her Uber outta there.

Bad decisions make for good stories, but for her it wasn’t necessarily a bad decision. She knew he wasn’t marriage material, but she wanted to take advantage of the situation, so she did. How many times do you hear about guys having one night stands and never calling again? Well this time it seems, whether right or wrong, girls have the upper hand.

But no, we as girls don’t want to get a name for ourselves, so we still dote on the fact that we want the fairy tale ending, the prince charming to court us and shower us with gifts. But when we actually get a guy like that, we think he’s a bit keen and it puts us off..unless.. we like him first. If we are obsessed with a guy, then he starts the showering, that makes us happy, Cinderella eat your heart out.

So, my point. This video points out the very disappointingly realistic reality of dating today. Whether we like it or not, it happens. A lot. But it’s no fairy tale. I really hope there is more to girls and boys these days, I hope it’s a temporary phase of this generation and what we all eventually want, is ye olde happy ending- the traditional way.

A lot has happened since my last post.. Dubai guy had a work trip to Ascot and we stayed at Cowarth Park, part of The Dorcester Collection luxury hotels. It was a perfect weekend. While he played golf for work at Wentworth, I relaxed in the roll top bath, ordered room service, walked the grounds, then joined him to watch The Ryder Cup with the Director of the golf club, among other journalists.

We went out for lunch, drank good wine, relaxed in our robes back in the room then said our goodbyes on the Monday morning, back to work as normal.

Two weeks after that, I flew to New York where we met again. We stayed in a tower suite on the 51st floor of The New York Palace hotel on Madison Avenue, where neither of us would dream of being able to afford for a weekend, but luckily his job meant we stayed at the compliements of the hotel.

We got lost among the skyscrapers, had brunch, drank champagne (and tequila) till 5am and sipped on cocktails at a speakeasy. We had real American food and bumped into Cara Delevigne in Bloomingdales. It was another wondrous weekend together.

Now what? We live on different continents and we aren’t in an exclusive relationship, we both have great jobs in said continents and neither of us are going to be moving any time soon. So, is my international dating idea a bad one?

I know it can’t work (we have both said we can’t do a long distance relationship) I know that there are potential relationship opportunities in London right under my nose. And yes, I know it’s stupid and I shouldn’t put all my eggs in one basket..