Never Leave your Alter Ego at the Door

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By Anon- contributor 

For me and my friends, ‘let’s go out for a quiet drink’ usually turns into ‘let’s get to the bar before the club closes at 3am’. On one of these nights I was approached by a guy who was nice and polite, but just not my type. When these incidents happen, I bring out my alter ego (I give myself a different name, a different job, a bizarre back story).

On this occasion, I drove an ice cream van to pay the bills and lived in a house with my three sisters Lydia, Lilly and Lulu. I felt quite sorry for the poor guy as it seemed as though he genuinely believed me. Thankfully, though, my friends wanted to move on so I managed to get away before he could ask for my number.

As the hours ticked by, the Prosecco flowed, the ‘try not to look too drunk’ selfies were snapped and we managed to avoid getting accidentally elbowed on the dance floor. While sat in a booth, a guy approached me – he was also nice and polite but this one was my type. We spoke for what seemed like hours. He had a decent sense of humour, was very gentlemanly and had great hair. My alter ego remained locked in her box.

The only thing I found odd was that his friends were nowhere to be seen. I asked him if he had come out on his own (praying in my head that he wasn’t a gorgeous weirdo scouring clubs for women). He said that his friends had left just before he spoke to me. Again, slightly strange but I brushed it off and we exchanged numbers.

We sealed the night with a kiss and I headed home in a taxi with friends. I thought it was refreshing that he didn’t ask me to go back with him and he seemed as though he genuinely wanted to take me out on a proper date. My instincts were right as he text me the next morning asking when I was free to meet up. The following weekend we went for a drink. It was going really well – there were no awkward silences, we had a lot in common and we ended up being the last couple in the bar before closing.

As we were leaving, he turned to me and said he had to be honest with me about something. I knew the date was going too well! I stood there expecting the worst – he’s married or has a girlfriend. I was close… he actually has three girlfriends, and they all know about one another. He wanted me to be the fourth. Yes, really. He explained to me that he only has open relationships and that he and his three girlfriends meet up once a fortnight for ‘danger play’ (think Fifty Shades but with more whips). He asked me – with a straight face – if I wanted to be part of his harem. At first I thought he was joking, so I laughed, but he wasn’t. I then politely declined.

So, the moral of my story is that even if your suitor looks the part, you should always keep your alter egos close by! Although thinking about it, maybe his polygamous orgy lifestyle was part of his alter ego…