Being The Nice Guy

by Write by Tanisha

Girls are weird. We want to be swept off our feet by someone with looks and a personality trait list as long as our ASOS history orders, and yet when we are courted by a genuinely nice guy, we label him as ‘too keen’ or quickly dismiss him into the well known Friend Zone where flirting goes to die.

We complain about players, man whores, cheats; yet we pine after the bad boys, hanging off every word, waiting for the blue ticks on whatsapp then analysing the duration from ‘read’ to ‘reply’. These are the boys who will only message us when they feel like it and drop us when they’ve had their fun. And stupidly, we thrive off it.

The term for this type of male is the F**kboy, and yes it is a noun. F**kboys usually come in the shape and size of something that is hard to reach. We want the challenge of changing them once we get them, if we get them.

But what if you’re not a F**kboy? Well, then you are the guy who we dub as the keeno, aka genuinely nice but too easy and too predictable. Nice is fine once we think we’ve caught ourselves the player who has changed for us because it boosts our ego knowing that we wanted them so much, went through the mind games, and we now have them and they have turned into a doting prince for us. Winning. However, this is a rare occurrence, which is why I’m still single along with the majority (though quickly becoming the minority) of my friends. It can also often be laden with trust issues, either because the guy knows how easy girls have been and think all girls are like that, or the girl knows their new beau’s history which will bring on doubts as to why he would have changed for you. But if you are in this situation, I would just go with it and trust until it’s broken.

I digress. So what about those genuinely nice guys who don’t play the field and are focused on one girl? I have many male friends who are in this category (and unfortunately they live in my Friend Zone where they live happily), I try to set them up with female counterparts by describing him as ‘I have the nicest guy for you, I would only ever introduce you to someone lovely’ .. but what is lovely? Why does ‘lovely’ not sound attractive and why do we associate the adjectives nice and lovely as ‘boring’? I get so annoyed with friends who I know have passed up a great guy, and yet I’m also extremely guilty of it.

So after spending time with a friend who treats the girl he likes, the way any girl would love to be treated if they were into someone (‘if’ being the operative word here) she’s gone off the radar. My advice to him was to start behaving like a F**kboy. Even if it’s not his nature to be one, act, play her at her own game, go off the radar. It doesn’t mean he has to sleep around, just don’t double text, don’t answer if she calls, don’t send her a photo of something that reminds him of their time together, don’t reply to the next message, she will eventually have to get in touch and the power is then shifted. It’s a guarantee. Don’t ask me why, I don’t know why we are ungrateful to those who care about us and show an interest unless we feel the same way. It’s beyond the realms of my brain power, and I’ve had many a conversation with girl friends about why we are so anti when it comes to nice guys, yet we complain about them not existing knowing full well that at least one of our ‘nice’ boy friends have been in love with us at some point. (This is also true vice versa)

There have been many times where I personally have really liked someone who I thought I would never get, then they became the ‘keeno’ before I was ready and it totally put me off, even though they were exactly who I thought I wanted them to be, and I kick myself for not feeling the same.

I swear being single before dating apps like Tinder was easier, these mind games were less of an anxiety. These days you can’t do right for doing wrong, no one knows where they stand, if you tell someone you like them, they immediately dismiss you as too keen, whether you’re male or female. Being single is hard, dating is hard, and what’s harder is the effort you have to put your mind through to try and analyse situations.

As I said. Girls are weird.