Tinder and Blind

A once single Tinder obsessed bad dater London girl living in Dubai, to a step-mum who bagged a boy in Dubai, now living in London

Category: Dating and Relationships

Never Leave your Alter Ego at the Door

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By Anon- contributor 

For me and my friends, ‘let’s go out for a quiet drink’ usually turns into ‘let’s get to the bar before the club closes at 3am’. On one of these nights I was approached by a guy who was nice and polite, but just not my type. When these incidents happen, I bring out my alter ego (I give myself a different name, a different job, a bizarre back story).

On this occasion, I drove an ice cream van to pay the bills and lived in a house with my three sisters Lydia, Lilly and Lulu. I felt quite sorry for the poor guy as it seemed as though he genuinely believed me. Thankfully, though, my friends wanted to move on so I managed to get away before he could ask for my number.

As the hours ticked by, the Prosecco flowed, the ‘try not to look too drunk’ selfies were snapped and we managed to avoid getting accidentally elbowed on the dance floor. While sat in a booth, a guy approached me – he was also nice and polite but this one was my type. We spoke for what seemed like hours. He had a decent sense of humour, was very gentlemanly and had great hair. My alter ego remained locked in her box.

The only thing I found odd was that his friends were nowhere to be seen. I asked him if he had come out on his own (praying in my head that he wasn’t a gorgeous weirdo scouring clubs for women). He said that his friends had left just before he spoke to me. Again, slightly strange but I brushed it off and we exchanged numbers.

We sealed the night with a kiss and I headed home in a taxi with friends. I thought it was refreshing that he didn’t ask me to go back with him and he seemed as though he genuinely wanted to take me out on a proper date. My instincts were right as he text me the next morning asking when I was free to meet up. The following weekend we went for a drink. It was going really well – there were no awkward silences, we had a lot in common and we ended up being the last couple in the bar before closing.

As we were leaving, he turned to me and said he had to be honest with me about something. I knew the date was going too well! I stood there expecting the worst – he’s married or has a girlfriend. I was close… he actually has three girlfriends, and they all know about one another. He wanted me to be the fourth. Yes, really. He explained to me that he only has open relationships and that he and his three girlfriends meet up once a fortnight for ‘danger play’ (think Fifty Shades but with more whips). He asked me – with a straight face – if I wanted to be part of his harem. At first I thought he was joking, so I laughed, but he wasn’t. I then politely declined.

So, the moral of my story is that even if your suitor looks the part, you should always keep your alter egos close by! Although thinking about it, maybe his polygamous orgy lifestyle was part of his alter ego…

Date Disaster #54371

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Remember my last post when I got all confident because my friend and I got chatted up by ‘not weirdos’ in the old fashioned way and it was great? Yeah, I take that back.

I went on a date with one of the non-weirdos at the weekend. The evening was going well, really well in fact. We had a couple of cocktails and relived how we met the previous weekend when I was just about out of the door of the bar before I recognised his friend and blah blah got talking, got a drink, blah. So all going swimmingly…until he decided to spill his life story and make me metaphorically run for the hills.

‘I’ve only been single for a couple of weeks’, he starts with a long inhalation, I knew he was about to produce a story worthy of a pity party.

Turns out his ex found some messages on his phone. Alarm bells went off for me at that moment, but I thought I’d hear him out, mainly because I had no choice. She subsequently kicked him out after reading the messages which ‘were innocent, but didn’t read well’. He goes on to tell me how she’s quite ill in a self inflicted kind of way as opposed to a terminally poorly way, and that he’s saved her life a few times.

He’s telling me all this to justify the fact that ‘if we see a crazy blonde Irish woman running towards us, just run’. Oh fabulous, because running in Louboutins is my favourite version of high intensity exercise/just what I planned on doing on a Friday night date in JLT. NOT.

She also owed him some money which she was keeping for him.. because he had a gambling addiction ‘but not made a bet for 4 months now’. Reassuring.

The rest of the evening was spent trying to resist looking over my shoulder all night for an angry blonde while simultaneously keeping an eye on my handbag. But I’m a nice person so I thought I may as well spend the rest of the night being as supportive as possible, giving unprofessional advice while trying not to down my gin.

So my date turned into a bit of a psychiatry session. I think I should start a new profession- agony aunt extraordinaire.

Suffice to say there won’t be a second date, mainly because I quite like the idea of keeping my hair on my head as opposed to in another womans hands.

The (Possible) Winning Formula

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I wrote a post a while back entitled ‘Why Won’t He Chat Me up?’ whereby the only male species who did chat me up came up with lines like poor old Ryan here. I had planned to do some experiments. They would include going out with the girls, going out with a mixed group, going out on my own, dressing to the nines, dressing down, no makeup, etc etc. Unfortunately although most of these has technically been practised, I get too blackout to remember that I should be writing about it.

Since moving to Dubai a year ago, my social life has and does mainly consist of going out in a mixed group, and staying within our group. When out with the girls on ladies nights we stick together and rarely speak to men. If we get approached we usually fob them off with ‘it’s girls night, soz.’ Because we’re genuinely catching up with each other.. hashtag girlpower.

Last weekend I went out for post-work drinks with a fellow single girl friend for the first time in a loooong time. Within 10 minutes we were approached. Granted this guy knew my friend so came over to introduce himself, then I proceeded to embarrass myself by saying rather loudly ‘oh my god he was SO FIT’, not realising he had walked back right at the precise moment I’d opened my mouth. But this is just what I’ve learnt to accept, my timely shit timings.

Before long we had attracted more male attention and we both looked at eachother like ‘what’s going on, this doesn’t usually happen?!’. The following night I went out again, this time with a bunch of gay guys as my beloved friend and Editor of a well known magazine (going to miss my free review nights) is leaving the Middle East. So in full fag hag mode I was, and I loved it. It was obvious the guys I was with were gay, which meant it actually attracted MORE (straight) men. Gay guys make the best wingmen EVER. I mean, they have so much confidence that it rubs off on you, and makes you lose your, erm, inhibitions.

After the weekend I reflected on the amount of black outs and the amount of conversations with males that I’d never have had if I was out with a group of 5+ girls. In previous posts I have mentioned how my single guy friends won’t approach groups of girls because they feel intimidated and don’t want to even attempt it, the fear of rejection.

I updated my single friend about the amount of confident interactions with potentials (like actual hot guys, not chavs) I’d had that weekend, and we both agreed that going out as two females for a casual couple of drinks was the winning formula. I must also add that it depends on the sort of place you’re in. If you’re in Rock Bottoms on a Thursday night, I wouldn’t be inclined to reach for the Tiffany catalogue. However, somewhere laid back but nice, like DIFC (read: MEN IN SUITS), you’re likely to mix with a slightly higher calibre and have more intelligent conversation. I must caveat that not all great men work there, there might be some around, like, the marina and stuff.

This way you aren’t repelling men just by being in a group of females with more matte lipped pouts between them than Sephora, and if you’re not interested in someone who approaches you, there’s still two of you so you can pretend you’re a lesbo couple, which we may have done (okay we definitely did this at one point in the night, but it was to get away from a 50+ year old Arab who wanted to take us to meet his dogs in his Land Rover, with a view to going to his hotel- apparently the Burj al Arab). No regrets.

I mean you don’t HAVE to pretend to be lesbians, you can also use the excuse that you haven’t caught up for a long time. Guys will understand that it’s a polite ‘boy, bye’.

In conclusion, we have decided that as well as keeping our ladies nights and our mixed brunches with our lovely crews, it is probably important to get out there and not be intimidating, a casual drink as a two or three with a friendly smile as opposed to our usual resting bitch face.

What a Difference Two Years Makes..Not Much

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Since starting this blog two years ago to the day (thanks Facebook Memories for reminding me) I have been on circa 50 dates, including a kinda, sorta, long term-ish, long distance relationship, countless idiots who can’t differentiate your and you’re, and a couple of constant ‘nice guys’ who I friendzoned the minute we met.

I want to summarise the past two years of dating and what I have learnt, also why I choose to remain single.

The first person I started seeing after my ex screwed me over was a guy who was screwing his girlfriend over. From being cheated on, I was now the other woman without even knowing- it’s okay though, because his girlfriend and I became friends and still are to this day (happy birthday Luce!).

I then joined this magical soul destroying app called Tinder, which is what gave this blog its namesake. After agreeing to go on dates with lads via a swipe, I encountered some experiences worth noting down. Hence TinderandBlind was born and has gained around 4,000 views per post. Blows me away even after two years that I have that many people reading my ridiculous (and unfortunately true) stories, at least my Journalism degree didn’t go to total waste, eh dad.

The second ‘proper’ one was Dubai Guy- didn’t end well as he was screwing another girl at the same time as leading me on too, bravo.

Understandably I considered lesbianism (is it an ism?) but women, I find, are more complicated than men, and I want/deserve to be the complicated one.

After moving to Dubai last year I obviously went back on Tinder to see what this city had to offer. Cheetah’s riding passenger side of their best friends ride seemed to be a recurring theme.  No offence, but if you’ve got a Cheetah in your Land Rover, you’re not only a bloody mentalist but you’re restricting a wild animal, and I ain’t down for that. I also ain’t down for being a newspaper headline: “Tinder Date Mauled by Big  Cat after Refusing to Ride in Car”.

I deleted Tinder and met people the real way. Unfortunately that meant I met characters like Parrot Boy (see previous post), who by the way, I went on a second date with.. he got more drunk than me and mid date asked if I was friendzoning him because he couldn’t read me. Meanwhile two guys were sat on the next table ‘people watching’ us. I found this hilarious because they came to my rescue after Parrot Boy asked to go back to mine, and when I point blank refused, even using a really gross excuse that he didn’t accept, these guys helped. I ended up having a bloody great night and making two new friends. I should probably dedicate a whole post to that night, because it was a cracker..to be continued.

I then went on holiday with my ex before going back on Tinder, and have been on a date recently which actually didn’t turn out too badly for a change.

All in all, relationship-wise, I am still where I was exactly two years ago, single but happy.

I love not being in a relationship, I love spending my free time with my friends and not feeling guilty for it. And you may say that’s because I have suppressed my emotions to the point of not remembering good parts of a relationship, that may be true and I may be protecting myself, but yolo, I’m not committed to anyone. If in two years time I’m still writing posts about dating guys who never knew that Victoria Beckham was a fashion designer, then yes I will be slightly less happy than I am now, and also probably 70% lesbian.

In the meantime I want to thank all the people who read my crazy escapades and for your comments too. I also contribute for Elite Daily but always post the originals on here first so you guys get first read. Here’s to the evolution of TaB. Much love

 

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When your Ex Marries his ‘Mistress’

What happens when you find out the ex who cheated on you is now marrying the girl he two timed on you with? Not only that, but if he also cheated on her..with you.

It’s something I found out a couple of weeks ago. After buying a flat in 2013 we are finally coming to the end of the most stressful selling process known to mankind, the future of ties will be fully severed at long last.

A couple of weeks ago during the selling process it came to light that the poor girl he was living his double life with, took him back and he must’ve begged for forgiveness so hard that he fell to one knee and sprouted a diamond.

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So, the feelings one goes through when this happens? Firstly I had no hate, no anger, no upset towards him after our break up, I’ve had the best year of my life since not being in a relationship with him. However, after our four years together and growing in to my twenties with him, with no hint of marriage on the horizon for us after all that time, I must admit the first emotion I felt was rejection. Not because I want to marry the guy, but because the realisation kicked in that he didn’t want to marry me.

You get into a relationship with the vision it won’t end, in the hope that they are ‘the one’, we obviously weren’t right for eachother which I came to terms with, but it is a bit of a slap in the face all the same, albeit a diamond (more likely cubic zirconia) handed one.

The next emotion was sadness. I felt sad for her. She was played by him as much as I was. ‘But he’s my boyfriend’ she sobbed on the phone to me when we discussed the revelation of ‘he’s leading a double life, I’m so sorry’. Four or five months they were seeing eachother before she and I found out the other existed, and yet that seems to be long enough to realise she definitely wants him to put a ring on it.

Then I stopped feeling sad for her and felt a more ‘more fool you, you totally deserve to be played’ sort of emotion. I mean, who the hell takes back a man who cheats on you with a girlfriend of four years, has a house with and is in the forces working away for most of the year, after just four months of sleeping with him? A foolish one. I really would understand it more if they had met, he told her he was in a relationship but didn’t love me anymore and planned to leave me, because that’s love and sometimes these things can’t be helped, at least they both would have been honest with me and most imperatively, to eachother. Or if she got pregnant, that’s another valid excuse to marry him. But to be cheated on and marry him, I don’t get it and if I were her family and friends I would be all up in her grill telling her she has a screw loose. (I couldn’t think of a non-gangster way to get across what I meant)..

It’s at this point where I’m supposed to say ‘I wish them all the happiness in the world and really hope he has changed for her sake, and I’m sure they will live happily ever after and have cute crooked nosed (his genes) children’, but I’m going to be honest. I hope she wakes up before the wedding day and realises what she’s doing before she turns into a possessive wife who challenges his whereabouts at every ‘working late’ excuse. A leopard doesn’t change it’s spots as far as I’m concerned, put it down to experience, or if you are one that has changed, then amazing, but I’m yet to be proved wrong.

Update- this post was shared on Elite Daily and off the back of it I received some very heartfelt messages from strangers. I only recently found these hidden in my Facebook Message requests and wanted to post two which touched me the most. I am so happy that I could have shared my story to inspire others going through such a tough time.

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